| Q. I have a little boy who's 4, and we just adopted a gentle and loving, older dog from the animal shelter. l have found our son being mean to the dog, like spanking him or pulling his ear. What's behind this and how do I stop it? L.H., Charlotte, N.C.
A. For a preschooler, getting a new dog can be a lot like bringing a new baby into the family. Big brother isn't always thrilled. "If the child has always been the center of attention, of course he's jealous," says S.A., a parent from Parma Heights.
"Jealousy, and a quest for power, are probably the most common reasons why otherwise normal children mistreat pets. Lording over the dog gives the child a sense of control ," says Ginny Eason, a mother from Cleveland.
"Problems can be minimized by preparing the child, " says Randy Lockwood, a psychologist with the Humane Society of the United States in Washington, D.C. "Explain that hurting the dog is not acceptable and remove the child or the pet from the situation. Next you can help the child have power in a positive way by giving the animal pleasure, such as a giving a treat or some food." Lock wood says.
"Letting young children participate in feeding and care may give the child positive power, but don't expect a child younger than 12 to do it alone," says Barbara Boat, an assist ant professor of child psychiatry at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. "A lot of parents get a dog and think it will teach the child responsibility. It just doesn't work that way."
"If these measures don't work, arrange for the dog's veterinarian to talk to the child, says Bonnie Mader. associate director of the Center for Animals in Society at the University of California at Davis. "Sometimes an authority figure makes a greater impression."
When children hurt animals, it can be a sign of other difficulties as well. In a study Lockwood conducted of families who had been referred to social services for child abuse, 88 of the abused children in turn abused their pets. "Children who are spanked also tend to spank animals or their dolls," Lockwood says.
"One way to distinguish between a normal child who's on a temporary power trip and one who needs professional help is the child's intent. When the child understands that he is causing the animal pain, and when he seems to really want to cause pain, parents should be concerned," Lockwood says. "This is a warning that the child has some sort of adjustment problem."
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